Monday, 5 May 2008

Do you mommy your husband?

# Story Highlights
# Caring care of husband can turn into mothering your spouse
# Some wives dress husbands, pack his suitcase, style his hair
# Experts: It can lead to treating husband like a child


I came across this interesting article.

She picks out his clothes before they go out, styles his hair, makes his lunches (complete with "I love you" notes inside) and takes it upon herself to apply the toothpaste before handing him his toothbrush each night.

And then there's bathing. "When he's in the shower, he calls me in to wash his back," says Rounds, a publicist.

Over-the-top behavior? Rounds says no way. "He loves to be taken care of."

It's a scenario familiar to many relationship experts, who say that first comes love, then comes marriage, and then comes the husband in the baby carriage.

A bad idea? "It can work for some people," says Les Parrott, a clinical psychologist, an author on marriage and relationship topics, and a professor at Seattle Pacific University. He describes one couple he knows: "She packs his suitcase for him and takes care of him like a little kid. But it works for them."

"As a woman who mothered her husband for too many years, I can report it's about the worst thing a woman can do," says Franklin, 55, a writer and lifestyle coach for female baby boomers. "It makes your man lazy, unwilling to be proactive in his own health care and for the most part a boy who refuses to grow up. It took me a long time to understand you can be compassionate and loving without being smothering and controlling."

I used to be like this (to a degree), especially in the early stages of the relationship (first few weeks/months) but now I hardly do anything and I get called lazy! LOL.

I have noticed in people I know that there tends to be a lot of 'mothering' type behaviour which can be quite over the top. I've never picked out my husband's clothes, told him what to wear, or packed his suitcase. I have packed his lunch a few times though (this was mainly to save money but then he decided he preferred to buy his lunch). OK I did used to remind him to take vitamins but I stopped doing that ages ago and what do you know? He takes them every morning by himself without being prompted or reminded!

For me and I'm sure most people it stems from the need the control and be controlling. The woman was probably brought up by (a) controlling parent/s and is now (unconsciously) exhibiting the same type of behaviours on her significant other.

I guess in the end though - whatever floats your boat!

1 comment:

bleeding espresso said...

I think there's a fine line between being caring/considerate and mothering your partner. Like you, I'd say I was more "mothering" in the very beginning, when you want things to go smoothly and work out.

I'd say over the past three years, though, things have evened out a lot more, thank goodness; when I do (hopefully) become a mom, I'd rather only have the real little people be the children ;)